Thursday, May 16, 2013


I used to be scared of them. Them I went to Disneyland. Now we're on speaking terms.

Like rollercoasters, life is a little scary sometimes.

Tomorrow morning I leave for a 6 week holiday (ridin' solo!). After this holiday I would have had to return to a job that I have been trying to get out of for months. So on Monday I quit. This decision was probably the biggest I've ever made and probably the first I've made by myself without inputs from a boyfriend, my mother or my friends tipping me one way or the other. Because then it's never fully your fault if something goes awry.

I'm generally indecisive. I let other people make the final call. If someone said "What do you want to do?", "I dunno, what 'chu wanna do?" (thank you, Jungle Book vultures) would frequently be my response.

I missed the chance to speak to my aunt before she passed away because I couldn't decide what I would say when I picked up that phone and kept putting it off until it was too late. And I regret that deeply. I don't want to regret missing out on other opportunities because I've put something off or not been willing to take a risk.

Back to the metaphorical rollercoaster and the fact that I'm about to leave for a 6 week holiday without a source of income to come back to. Right now I feel like I'm at the point just before the car reaches the peak of the track. A mixture of anxiety and excitement. What goes up must come down, but you don't really know what's on the other side. You could coast. You could come plummeting back down at warp speed. You could shit your pants.

Or you could have the time of your life.

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